all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
