Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
