I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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