do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
