If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
