I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize