I smell stomach acid.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
