remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That accounts for only three of the penises
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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