he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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