i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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