Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
