She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
