yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
