Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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