I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
