he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
