drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize