He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
