omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
