Already got asked if we're dating
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Randomize