Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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