There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
