butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
