youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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