After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
