Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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