I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
