ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
