I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
