I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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