Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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