Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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