glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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