Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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