wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
