i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
