i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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