I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
