you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize