Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
