he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
