i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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