The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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