look no pants
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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