i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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