New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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