I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
