it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
