I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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