I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
