he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We left an ass print on the piano.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
