Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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