dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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