I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
