i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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