he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
