I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
