I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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