I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
