I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize