Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Come on in and take your pants off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
