It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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