Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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