I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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