I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
