Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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