she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
