Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
