after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
