Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
