I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
