she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
