she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
