Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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