The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize