I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
