Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
