apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
