We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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