I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
