You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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