Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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