How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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