you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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