I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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