I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Are my feet made of real feet?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
