Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
