I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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