I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
