Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
