just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
