Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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