Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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