remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
