We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize