Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
OPIZZABONMYDICK
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
