she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize