Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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