An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
