absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
