Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
