he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
